One thing I love about this blog is there there are only four of you who might ever read it. It's freeing. I can write whatever I like.

When things were dark in my first marriage I felt such  pressure to keep everything in and not to let anyone know what was going on. It was as if, others knew, then I would have to admit to myself that I was being abused. Admitting it myself was even harder that enduring the abuse. Admitting that I allowed myself to become a victim-I never thought I could be that type of person.

 One of the many things I took away from that time period was the keeping things in. I no longer leap into the fray, expose myself to people I don't already have a trusting relationship with. I've learned not to put myself out there. My close friends could tell you that I used to be this loudish, awkwardly hilarious, ready for an adventure type of woman. Now, I sit at home and everything has to be planned.

I would like to change that.

That's going to be my goal for 2012. I want to open myself up to people and experiences again. I think it's important to teach this baby to be fearless in the face of life. If you don't try, how will you ever live?

So that is my goal. The baby should be here in May and I will have three month of FMLA. Instead of sitting at home every day with baby I'm MAKING a choice to get out there and DO.