One thing I love about this blog is there there are only four of you who might ever read it. It's freeing. I can write whatever I like.

When things were dark in my first marriage I felt such  pressure to keep everything in and not to let anyone know what was going on. It was as if, others knew, then I would have to admit to myself that I was being abused. Admitting it myself was even harder that enduring the abuse. Admitting that I allowed myself to become a victim-I never thought I could be that type of person.

 One of the many things I took away from that time period was the keeping things in. I no longer leap into the fray, expose myself to people I don't already have a trusting relationship with. I've learned not to put myself out there. My close friends could tell you that I used to be this loudish, awkwardly hilarious, ready for an adventure type of woman. Now, I sit at home and everything has to be planned.

I would like to change that.

That's going to be my goal for 2012. I want to open myself up to people and experiences again. I think it's important to teach this baby to be fearless in the face of life. If you don't try, how will you ever live?

So that is my goal. The baby should be here in May and I will have three month of FMLA. Instead of sitting at home every day with baby I'm MAKING a choice to get out there and DO.

and baby makes 3...errr...5!

Baby incubating is coming along just fine. I'm about to enter week 15 which is exciting because it means we are out of the first trimester and our danger of miscarriage is much, much less. Something I am very happy about considering my history.

While my belly is growing, lots of the less than pleasant symptoms of pregnancy are fading. I actually got to eat, and keep down all of our Thanksgivinging feast. We had 10 people for dinner, used two tables pushed together and there was entirely too much food.

So much that our fridge is still stocked to the brim six day's later.

Anyone for leftovers?

While the Aunties were in town we visited Babies R Us and started a registry for Mini H-R. My BIL, who is now a seasoned parent took a look at the list and let me know what we needed to add/nix. If the hub and I had our way we'd be buying 90% of baby stuff used. The family on the other hand... *shock* USED?!?!

 They think we're crazy. We think it's just stuff and we'd rather help re-use and be financially responsible.

Have I mentioned hub and I aren't a fan of stuff?

Mini H-R should be here around May 2012 and I think it's pretty neat how many people are already rooting for this little one. It gives me warm fuzzies to know that if anything ever happens to me, this wee one will be well loved by people I care deeply about.

I scored...then slept.

Love book sales.!!!

I came across two  of my favorite books growing up, Homecoming and Dicey's Song both were signed and inscribed by the author, Cynthia Voigt in 1983. Dicey's Song was awarded the Newbery Medal, 1983.

Both books are in excellent condition and are hardbacks and the best bit? I only paid $3.00 for both books.

Bliss!

 I hope my spawn loves books as much as I do.

http://cynthiavoigt.com/index.php

It's Friday

A long, cold, snowy day stretches in front of me and (unsurprisingly) all I want to do is nap. Curl up beneath my down comforter and snooze the hours away.

Part of it is pregnancy, part is that I hate being cold and the rest...is seasonal affective disorder. Which is lame. Especially since I'm banned from all prescribed substances that might help.

It's going to be a busy weekend  at Casa by the Road.

Friday- We are celebrating an early birthday tonight for my niece who will turn two after her mom returns to Afghanistan which happens on Sunday. Lil Bit pulled an early leave slip and has spent the last two weeks bonding with her baby and husband and eating at all of her fav. food spots). It's going to be very difficult and emotional for all of us when she gets back on that plane. We won't see her again for another 9 months.


Saturday-  Library Book Sale! Happens twice a year and should be considered a holiday. Rooms and rooms FULL of books! Books for sale at a very reasonable price. On Sunday everything is 50% off. *swoon* Then it's off to a pre-natal swim class where my ass will be floated to me and then a big family dinner to say goodbye to Lil Bit.

Sunday - Seeing Lil Bit off at the airport at 6 a.m., making plans with my little, baking a plum cake and then a massive nap to make up for skipping Fri/Sat's naps. Also picking out new carpet for the nursery and our bedroom.

 I sure do live a boring life.

Holy Monkeys!

It's been a month and ...10 days between postings! Beg pardon readers, I've been a bit preoccupied between my practicum project and this little Fruterus.

Holy Monkeys! I was going to share a real life photo but I can't without giving myself nightmares.

So generic stock it is.



Not my belly-actually a stunt belly because look at those nails! But I do have the piercing hole so close enough



Yup, there's going to be spawn. I'm still in my first trimester and who ever coined the phrase "pregnancy is a miracle" deserves to be taken out back and beaten. It is UNCOMFORTABLE. I'll try not to gross anyone out with details but my body has been taken over by Fruterus who is currently the size of a raspberry... and has a tail.

Practicum is going well (when I have the energy to show up) I'm working with a super specialized group of teen males. I give then homework and we role play...not exactly high up on the "OMGAZZZUM!" list of things teenage boys want to do, but since they are a captive audience *lol* and I promised cookies they fall in line without too much trouble.

 So basically this last month I slept, went to work, came home at lunch and slept, went to my practicum and come back home and... slept. It's a yawn inducing cycle that should improve by Thanksgiving.

Back to school I go...

 So I applied to a program at my local University to obtain an Occupational Endorsement Certificate in Children's Behavioral Health and was accepted. While I already hold a BA I've been feeling like my brain has powered off. The certificate should come in handy in my job field and I'm looking at 120 practicum hours this semester. Brain boost!

 Class starts tonight- bonus is that this one is online. Attending in my jammies is a plus.





Just informed I am not hired for either position.

Sun, Fun & Garrison Keillor

I have to admit that this weekend was the perfect end to a summer.

 Trips to Lowe's for fence supplies, sunshine, a mini road trip with Father, Hubs and B-I-L to the state fair where we laid out on the grass and spent three hours with Garrison Keillor on his Summer Love Tour.


It was a terrific way to spend a Sunday.  The beer was cold, Garrison and Fred Newman were hysterically funny *have I mentioned how dirty he *Garrison* has gotten in his advanced age?!* and the sun was shining. So much in fact, I'm sporting a lobster-do and raccoon eyes from my shades. Sarah Watkins and Heather Masse have amazing voices and it was great quality time with my family.

August 28, 2011

Summer Love Tour: Around the Bend, like a majestic Eagle

PHC staffer Nic Vetter is on the Summer Love Tour with Garrison, Fred Newman, Andra Suchy, Heather Masse, Sara Watkins, and The Guy's All-Star Shoe Band and will update us periodically from the road.

"As we descended through the cirrus clouds over Alaska, it was an amazing sight of vast natural beauty for miles and miles and miles -- the greens are greener and the glaciers are so huge and white and you can tell the water is clear from 5,000 feet above. Pat pointed out that he must have counted at least 10,000 lakes in just a 50 square mile radius, which kind of makes our state motto seem slightly pathetic in comparison. We'll just have to see how their State Fair holds up to ours, which as far as I know, is the best. Stay tuned."

My Workout Playlist & Oh What A Weekend



It's been a bad month for spending time at the gym ...on excuse after another.
 So I complied a playlist for gym time. If you've got any suggestions please feel free to share.

Jump Around- House of Pain
Jessi Jane- The Whipsaws
121- Tevin Campbell & Rosie Gaines
Stand Out- Tevin Campbell
Ænima - Tool
Lovecore- Boy Hits Car
Burnout- Greenday
Choking On The Truth- Bif Naked
Lose Yourself- Eminem
Paper Planes- M.I.A.
Loco Wit the Cake - Ace Hood & Schife
Si Senor- Control Machete
Shake That- Eminem
1974- Ryan Adams
As I Watch The Sun Fuck The Ocean- Boy Hits Car
Nuthin' but a "G" thing -  Dr. Dre
I Don't Want To Live Today- Empire Records Soundtrack
A Man Without- Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Besoin de rein- The Hellboys
Last Resort- Papa Roach
I Love Myself Today- Bif Naked
Zip City- Drive By Truckers
Time After Time- INOJ
Are You Going To Be My Girl- Jet
Somewhere I Belong- Linkin Park
Until The Day I Die- Story of The Year


Now that the playlist is out of the way on to my/our weekend plans. They involve lots of fence hole digging and painting. Who needs to visit a gym when you've got a post holer calling your name? We are also going to the State Fair. I will try to take pictures of the cabbages that outweigh VW bugs and all the local fare.

Random



2004-Going away party for C&A.



To the us that never will be

We were part of each others lives for thirteen years. You know my darkest moments and I yours. Between us it was like an addiction. My lowest lows and highest highs came from our interactions. The great tragic love story that went sideways, always back and forth, never at that perfect meeting place.

There are day's like today when I miss you so much and then, there is the rest of my life which is good, fulfilling and happy. We've both made big mistakes, hurt each other. We could never be what the other needs and I want the life I have now.

Sometimes though, I still miss you.

The Road Not Taken

Robert Frost

 

 

 Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference



Moya- Godspeed You Black Emperor
Svefn-g-englar - Sigur Ros
Staralfur- Sigur Ros
Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space- Spiritualized
My Letter- Flaw
Infected- Bad Religion
Vindicated- Dashboard Confessional
Have You Ever- The Offspring

The waiting begins



Waiting to hear



Ah, so I interviewed for a new position last Friday. I'm surprised to say that the process was less grueling than expected. That might be because my previous boss was the Queen of Interviews and had me well trained.


 I was given an hour for my interview, seated before a panel of three supervisors (one of whom is my current boss) and was asked nine questions (with three sub questions each). I finished in about half an hour. I think I had a good rapport with my current boss and the potential boss- got them to laugh once and I made sure that I directed my answers toward the potential boss as it pertained to the Behavioral Health Unit. I also wrote down key points of their questions so I didn't have to ask them to repeat the questions.

Since I've been studying for this position the last three weeks, talking with members of that unit and sleuthing out all the organizational data I could find the questions seemed pretty on point for me.  I had a moment of word salad and I'm hoping that won't nix me from the running.

There is one last interview to be conducted tomorrow and we should all hear back from the Unit Supervisor next Monday.

My +'s
 - BA in Justice
 - 4+ years with the Intake Unit
 - Member of several work groups
 - Back in school to obtain a CBH Certificate (job education)
 - I have most of the computer/physical/departmental training that would be needed to fill the position-above the other candidates

Since these positions are an internal hire I'm competing with a few folk from the facility and they might have seniority within the Union and Department as well as hands on training working with mental health juveniles.

Now it's out of my hands. I'll just sit back, remain cheerful and get my work done. 

 And not pull a Scrat. However tempted.

Job Interview

I've got a job interview tomorrow morning at 10 a.m. It's in another unit that specializes with mental health kids.

I've been studying since I applied- more so since I passed the first round of testing. There are seven of us and two positions open.

 I'm having lunch with one of the Officers in that unit today to pick her brain.

*fingers crossed*

Handsome is...



Robbie Dog

My dog is entirely too cute in a goofy "I run side way's and roll in dead fish" way.

What is it about family that can drive you absolutely bat-shit crazy yet you'll still drop everything to bail them out? Unless you've got family that you wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole.

I have both-

 Makes my head hurt.

In which we lose 5 minutes



The sun will be setting at 10:30 p.m. tonight and Anchorage will lose five minutes of sunlight. That might not seem like a big deal but to many of us-it is deeply depressing.

In December, on my birthday, the sun won't show his light until 10 a.m and will fade from the sky by 3:40 in the afternoon. That's less than six hours of light in my city. It's worse on the North Slope where the sun won't rise for weeks at a time.


 We've had almost two weeks of rain, the leaves are starting to drift and I am NOT ready to say goodbye to summer.

 Just not ready for long johns, studded tires and being frozen for five straight months.

Happy Friday!

Whew. It's been a BUSY month! The hubs and I took the boat out to Seldovia for the 4th of July, on the 6th, we flew to Colorado Springs for a friends wedding, we got a chance to visit with my sister before we flew home (butt crack early) on the 11th (also our 1 year anniversary). On the morn of the 18th Lil Bit deployed and that evening I had the semi-finals for kickball (we are currently ranked 2nd-w00t!). Last wedding of the summer is this Saturday.


 Double whew. I need a break...and a beer. Maybe two and a nice lawn chair with fancy superstar sunglasses.

 I might go into detail of the Seldovia/Colorado trip later. Depends if I pull pictures off the drive because I'm lazy (ahem...too busy) that way.

 So onto today's play list.

"Dive Right In" - Story of the Year- Just heard them on the radio last week and had to check them out on itunes. Good lyric/rage/growl ratio.

"Manifesto No. 1"- Shooter Jennings-the son of Waylon Jennings. One of my top five favorite musicians. One of his tunes is actually "our song".

"Butterfly" - Mason Jennings - Laid back style. Puts on a good concert. Dropped out of high school and and is successful. My favorite of his tunes is "Adrien".

"Banditos"- The Refreshments- LOVE! I heard they had a new cd come out in February but haven't given it a listen yet.

"Shake That" - Eminem - Yea I love Eminem. This song makes my feminist principals toss a fit...while I'm bouncing along to the words and tune. I used to dance to this at a club named Eden in the Springs. It's great to get everyone ready for club hopping. Eminem is... yeah. I get mocked but I really admire him for his music and how hard he's worked.


 Time for me to get back to work.
Happy weekend everyone!

In Recovery

Whew...still in recovery from Tuesday. Got home from work Wednesday and went straight to bed and it's been like that since. Looks like I'm losing the battle as I picked up the family's cold.

They say "fish and house guests stink after three days" I totally agree, especially when they leave you with a summer cold. I actually had a nice time visiting with R. After his trip to the ER he might never come back to visit.

 My boss decided to reward those of us who came into work prior to the long weekend.

Lookie what I got!

Yea I got no idea what it is either.



 Japanese soda pop that's lychee flavored. It also has operating instructions.

 1. Remove seal from top

2. Detach the plunger from the center of the cap

3. Place the plunger on top of the bottle

4. Press down firmly with the base of your palm to release the marble

5. Throw away the seal cap and plunger

6. Have fun drinking!

 Entirely complicated and strangely tasty.  Who knew!?



Lychee Tree

On to my play list!

Besoin De Rien- The Hellboys - French Rock/punk- I came across this band via author Stephanie Perkins

It Takes Two- Rob Base &DJ EZ Rock - I totally thought up until this moment that one of the rappers  was  Marky Mark.  Whoops!

Hey Ya! - OutKast- Know for being the front runners of the Southern hip hop movement. Sued by Rosa Parks in 1999.

Crazy Beautiful Child - Anne McCue- Australian and great in concert.

Addicted To Love - Robert Palmer

 Ænima - Tool - Buell Theatre, Denver, CO May 10, 2006- One of craziest nights of my life. Sometimes all you need is a little Tool to get your through the day...or rush hour.



Go Team!

We had our third game last night at 9:00 p.m. While we lost, 5:7 it was much fun. We might have played better if half of our team had not spent the previous hour(s) at the dubious Crossroads Lounge getting their Pabst on.

We lost a man due to a facial/sliding/nailed in the face injury and I never made it to second base.
The team we played were lousy base blockers but had cute girlies in short shorts so the Ref missed more than a few calls.

Shucks, half my team was mesmerized as well.


Long night = a long day here at work. Must nap soon.

Adventures at the E.R.

My weekend started off quite nicely. It was Friday, I'd just gotten off of work, returned some books to the library, it was 70 degrees outside and I had the windows down listening to my ipod on my way home.



Then I notice my husband running down the street with dog in tow. Not a normal occurrence...the running. He flags me down and tells me to drive down to the bog immediately. That R. (his cousin-our visiting house guest) is having some sort of reaction and we need to go pick him up asap.

As I'm tearing thorough the neighborhood driving 50mph, hubby is telling me about the large white welts that just started appearing all over R's body and that he was having dizzy spells. Being a man however, R. tells hubby that he's ok-just needs to sit for a few and a ride back to the house.


We arrive at the park entrance and I see R. laying on the park bench. He is non responsive and has laboured breathing. Thank the Gods I had my epi-pen in my purse! I hit him with the pen and called 911. It took about five min for the ambulance and fire truck to arrive and we spent about six hours at the emergency room.
The ER doc said I probably saved R's life.

I've never used a pen before..I've got one because I have a oh-shit-that's-a-crazy-allergy! The pen I used actually would have expired in July 2011.


Black Pepper- my personal kryptonite



After that it was a fairly quiet weekend. R. was recovering from the experience so that nixed all of our guest plans. I spend some time with my circle celebrating the solstice and managed to wash a houseful of clothes.

 Hope you all had a more cheerful few days than I did.